The Lamp at our Feet

In case you didn't know, if you know what the Pittsburgh Fellows program is(which I assume you do if you are reading this!) we were each paired up with a mentor at the beginning of the year. This past Friday I went over to my mentor's house. He(Ron Steele) and I sat down for dinner, in fact HE cooked pizza for myself, his wife and Toks, and we ate much like this nice japanese family in the Jap Pizza hut ad. After dinner, which was very good, the 2 of us sat down to chat while the girls went for their nightly 'walk.' Eventually we played a fun game called "Sequence," Which, of course, the men dominated...but before that...

Ron and I talked for a while about alot of good things, and I explained to him what was going on with my work, with my walk, and what I was thinking for the future. Ron is a very smart guy so it was good to hear his views on many of the things we talked about. I found myself talking alot about what I was thinking about doing next year, what I thought I would be doing, or want to do, or think I should be doing. Ron let me talk, then after I was finished he looked at me and simply asked:

"Have you thought that it might not be about what you want?"

I sat there for a second in silence, kind of cracked a smile, the way a child does after doing something he knows is wrong, and said back to him, "You're absolutely right." I began asking him all types of questions, such as what I should pray for, what he prays for, etc., and we eventually got a Bible out and began reading through some passages, and before we knew it an hour or so had went by. We ended up looking mainly at Proverbs and Psalms, and Ron pointed to one verse in particular - Psalm 119:105(the most numbers possible in a verse!), which says:

"Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light for my path."



I had been asking Ron if I was praying for the right thing - because I find myself saying all the time, "Help me find what it is You want me to do with my life...Help me find your will," and I haven't necessarily become discouraged, but I definitely sometimes feel that I am praying for too much, or the wrong thing, etc., because I didn't feel I was making any progress. Then I read this verse. It makes much sense - and it is not taken out of contents...this is one of the "anonymous" psalms, and this particular verse is from the one entitled "Nun." God gives us his Word for a reason, so that we may better understand what it is He wants for our lives. Here it is written that the word is "A lamp to my feet, and a light for my path." The Message translates this verse as:

"By your words I can see where I'm going;
they throw a beam of light on my dark path."

We must look at the Word as a way of lighting the path, and not necessarily the end. Sort of like a flashlight aimed just in frong of our feet. God doesn't reveal to us where we're going to be in a year, 10 years, 50 years. He lights the path at our feet, so that we may be able to see the next turn in our path, or the next bump in our road. We must use this light as much as possible, and the more intimate we become involved in a relationship with him, the more effective that light will be. The second we turn that light off again in our lives, we are immediately left back in the dark, walking aimlessly towards goals and destinations that are not knowable, and not reachable.

Lots of us, well people my age at least, are at a time in our lives in which we are looking for discernment as to what our calling is. Would I like to know what mine is? Absolutely! It would make things MUCH easier for me, as far as deciding where I'll be and what I'll be doing five years from now, or even next year. But it would be no fun! How boring would the next five years be?? I LOVE that God gives us just a little taste of what is to come, because it makes every day we live exciting. If I am using him as a lamp, I'll never lose my way. I may not no exactly the path He is taking me on, but I know where I'm going to end up in the end, and I embrace the journey He will take me on serving as my lamp.

As far as my career and my calling? I'm 23 years old. If I'm selling newspapers next year, if I'm working where I am now, if I'm living in Kansas City or some place other than Pittsburgh, I'm fine with that, if it is where the lamp leads me. I'm 23 - I have plenty of time to figure out what God wants in my life. I could be doing 4 different things over the next few years, and making no money - or I could find out in 3 months God wants me to be something else. Either way I'm gonna love it and I'm going to do my best at it. Because I know were I'm headed in the end, and He knows where I'm headed in the near I am content.

In the mean time I'll keep trying to "bribe" him through prayer to let me know what it is He wants for me.