Who the Hell am I?

I think about this ALL the time. Here I am, trying my best to live a Godly life, and am doing MUCH better at it now than I used to, that's a fact - although I do tend to suck at it quite often still. But I began remembering certain situations in my life when I would knowingly sin...which is obviously something that has to be addressed. You know when you're mad, because something didn't work out, some girl (or guy - NOT in my case despite what my friends might say) doesn't like you anymore, or your money situation is bad. I know I used to feel that all the time, and I basically found myself sinning (usually through the "beverages") just because I thought it was okay because I thought I was getting screwed in some other part of life.

Then I found myself saying "well, If I just had this one thing...then I could live a Godly life, but I really need this." Or, when thinking about the future I'd sometimes say, in fact I said this one ALL the time..."If I can just get to marriage...when I meet the woman I'm going to marry, then I'll settle down and start living the good Christian life I'm supposed to live, but for now, I'm gonna (in the words for the artist formerly known as prince) party like it's 1999, and worry about all that Bible stuff down the road!" EVERYBODY i think says that at some point. I mean, it's not hard to live a Christian life when you're married right? There's no need to lust, or drink, or be angry at the world...because God has provided you with a woman that adores you, and that you adore.

Who the hell am I? Seriously. I'm going to say it again, purposely saying it the way I am.

Who the hell am I?

I'm basically giving God an ultamatem. What was I thinking?? I don't deserve anything that I am given: my life, my love for food, my amazing friends. NOTHING. It is only by the Grace of God that I am alive, and only by the grace of God that I am given a second chance. Genesis 28:15 says:

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

What more do I need. Do I really think God won't come through on the promises he has made to me? Yet there I was, basically telling Him that I needed to have proof that he existed...and that he hadn't given me enough, basically that I knew what was best for me.

Who the Hell was I to ask for that?

Thanks Lord for giving me an understanding heart, and enabling me to see what a freakin' idiot I can be sometimes.

1 Cor. 2:11 -

"For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God."

I'm not the spirit of God...and I tried to know the thoughts of God through my own mind. We must pray...constantly pray...through the Holy Spirit that dwells inside of us if we wish to know God's Will for our lives. Come on God, Just TELL us!! Give us that memo - I don't want to be the guy from Office space - I mean, when I do something stupid, how often do I hear God say something equivalent to the timeless quote - "Did ya get that memo?" NO! I NEVER GET THE MEMO!! That was a joke...

I think you have my stapler?