Neil - Changes and Growth

Growing and Discerning...After the Heart of God

Monday, October 30, 2006

Doubt, doubt, and more doubt! - It CAN be good you know =)

August 23 -

I doubt. I doubt every day of my life. I doubt every time I sin. I listen to the lies that tell me there isn't a God sometimes. In my mind...

My heart keeps me in check. In my heart I know there is a God. Of course there is. So...then why do I always go through spells where I think I don't nee Him, where I am the controller of everything, that there is no influence on me, that I can change things on my own? As human beings we feel the need to be wanted and accepted all the time, if we say we don't we're lying. God gives this to me openly, yet I constantly find myself turning to others instead of Him for this acceptance. I often wonder if solitude would be good for me. I know we are intended to be with other people - Juesus was ALWAYS with other people - always. But so am I. I've lived alone, but I'm always doing something it seems. I have quiet times, but usually no more than an hour or two at a time. Would a week, a month, or more effectively, even a year or more alone help me understand the mysteries of God more? I would solely rely on Him if this were the case as relying on others would not be possible. The initial reaction to this is "of course" - so here is the question. Why don't we do this if it would make us closer to and help to understand better our God?? I don't know...

It's another beautiful day here on the island and sunny as ever. And I pray God's will is being done. This day and every day.

- The Chicago Bears will be starting their season soon - and a Super Bowl title is in my sight. The cubs may not win many games from here on out, but I still love them too...but its time for football season. Go Bears!

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